Windows and Waves

The essential role of pride in aliveness

Photo by nikko macaspac on Unsplash

As I’ve been reading the wonderful Hannah Arendt, I’ve been reminded of how as humans, we are always in relationship with pain:

Pain

Release from Pain

Absence of Pain

Pleasure

We move across this spectrum constantly.

As a drank my wine last night, I enjoyed a release from pain. I wonder now as to the nature of this pain. Sometimes, it’s less obvious that others. There is an existential pain. The pain of labour. Doing things with our minds and bodies. when we reach the end of our day, there is a desire for release from this built up tension in our bodies and minds. So a glass of wine (or three), provides the catalyst for this.

What then?

As I experience this release from pain, my body softens. My mind slows down. It feels enjoyable. Euphoric even. This release.

However, it is the same as pleasure?

I notice that what follows this release is an absence of pain. Maybe a numbness of a kind? It’s what draws us to substances of any kind. To change the chemical balance in our brains, which goes hand in hand with altering the the state of our nervous systems.

But to feel pleasure? That is something else.

Last night, I found a small window for my consciousness to look through. Just big enough to see something through. One more glass of wine, in that same amount of time, and maybe this window would have closed. As I looked through this window, I saw a life, with deep connections. And I felt a wave swelling within me:

Pride as the wave generated

Gratitude as the wave swelled

Satisfaction as it crested

Contentment as it broke.

Then I could rest. After the pleasure was felt.

It’s such a fine line. This process. Such a narrow path to traverse sometimes.

I realised with clarity, that there is nothing more essential to being human than this process. The process of engaging with the world. Bringing our effort to bear. Then feeling the pain of this. Seeking release from this pain, and creating the conditions for pleasure.

And that all of this; all that was swelling within me, was existing in relation to every experience I have ever had. As a Son, a Friend, a Partner, a Father, a Therapist. All of it.

Not one part ever truly separate. Distinct, yet always connected.

Then I remember, that when Trauma sets in, it has a way of narrowing the path even further and blocking access to this self reflective window. Keeping us stuck in the loop of:

Pain

Release from Pain

Absence of Pain

The access to Pleasure via Pride is held shut by Fear and Shame. These emotions tell us that to allow these positive emotions in is to invite more pain. So they stand guard. They keep us alive. Yet in doing so, they deny us access to the feeling of completion of this process. We can’t access the cycle of the wave generating, swelling, cresting, and breaking. We remain stuck in the storm of the ‘choppy’ ocean or the purgatory of the perennially still ‘flat’ water.

So, can we reconstruct how we understand the role of Pride in this essential process?

I very much hope so.